Have you ever wanted to open up about something, but felt too scared to do so? If so, you’re not alone. Many people are afraid for a variety of reasons: fear of judgment or rejection, lack of practice, not being connected to your emotions, etc.
We know how difficult it is to open up and share what’s going on, especially if you don’t know the person, as is the case with our program at Churches Care. That being said, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t open up or there isn't any benefit in doing so. We simply recognize and acknowledge the challenge.
Because connection is so important, whether it’s with someone you know or not, we want to provide tips to help you connect and open up in a safe, healthy, and supported way.
Honesty really is the best policy. Being truthful about where you’re at and what you’re going through is going to build a better and deeper connection, which will do nothing but help you in the long run! After all, how can someone give you advice, encouragement, or help you if you aren’t honest with them about what’s going on?
This doesn’t mean you have to share all your deepest, darkest secrets or spill everything all at once, especially if you don’t know someone. However, offering what you can and being brave by being vulnerable is important. One way to help with this is to be honest with yourself first. Going into the conversation—whether over the phone or in person—know what you want to talk to someone about and know your boundaries for what not to talk about.
We know it’s scary, and the person you’re opening up to will understand that as well. You can even be honest that being honest is hard for you. Any person who cares will understand and do what they can to make you feel safe and comfortable.
Having vulnerable conversations is scary and challenging. One thing that can help is having them in a safe environment for you. This is true even for texting and phone calls—try to bring you and your phone somewhere you feel safe and secure.
Doing this helps your nervous system calm down and can help you open up because you feel safe to do so. So think, where do you feel safe? Is it in your car, in your room, wrapped up in a blanket? Figure this out for yourself ahead of the conversation and do your best to bring it into that space.
However, if you don't know the person, you’ll have to meet in public. That doesn’t mean you can’t feel safe. Think through what you could do to make that environment feel better for you. Do you have a favorite coffee shop to meet at? Could you wear a comforting outfit? Maybe you could bring an item with you that comforts you while you’re talking?
Whatever a safe environment looks like for you, it’s worth trying to pursue one before you open up and be vulnerable.
Even though we encourage you to be honest with yourself and the person you’re talking to, it’s important that you don’t rush yourself for the sake of it or because you feel you need to. When opening up, it’s important to go at your own pace, not the pace of the person you’re talking to.
Ahead of the conversation, set boundaries for what you will and won’t talk about, what you will say if someone asks a question you aren’t comfortable answering yet, how fast you want to open up, and how soon you want to meet in person or keep meeting.
You know you best and what’s best for you right now.If that’s opening up quickly, great! If it’s going at a slower pace until you feel more comfortable, nothing wrong with that! There is no timeline or path for healing or getting the support you deserve.
We encourage you to use these tips next time you open up and connect with someone. If you need someone to talk with, we can help with that. Click below to get connected with a caring individual who is ready to listen, support, and help you.