Relationships are tough—there’s no denying that. It takes communication, compromise, and consistently putting in effort to build and maintain the connection. But the end result can be so worth the work you put in.
However, no matter how happy you are in your relationship, there is going to be conflict or disagreements between you and the other person. You’re not alone if you're struggling in your relationship. But you're also not hopeless.
We want to help you navigate any relationship problems you may be facing so that you can continue to build a strong, healthy relationship.
*Please note these tips do not apply to emergency situations. If you believe you are in an emergency or abusive situation, please use this hotline.*
Tip #1 - Don't Stay Silent
When a problem arises, we may think it’s better to push it aside, sweep it under the rug, or ignore it to avoid a fight. But the real problem is the more you push something down, the harder it is going to explode back up. Imagine shoving a fully-inflated beach ball under the water, what happens when you let go? It shoots back up. The same is true of a relationship problem.
Next time you sense conflict come up, don’t stay silent. Instead, be open and honest about it, in a respective manner, so that you can have a conversation about it. That’s all part of having healthy communication!
Tip #2 - Listen and Seek to Understand
Oftentimes, when we do talk about an issue, we “listen”, but we’re really just hearing words and preparing rebuttals in our minds. And while that may make us feel better, it’s not conducive to healthy communication or working out the problem with the person you’re in a relationship with.
What’s better is listening to understand, not to make your point. When you really spend the time listening to someone (as they should do for you), you can then better understand, get on the same page, and work through what’s causing the issue. This allows the other person to feel heard and validated, and helps you to actively listen.
Tip #3 - It's Okay to Take Some Space
We know we just talked about talking rather than staying silent; this is not going against tip #1. Taking space doesn’t mean you don’t talk about what’s bothering you, you run away from your problems, or you go rat out this person to others. It simply means you can recognize when it’s smart to take some time first.
Maybe you need to take some space to cool off before talking. Or, maybe you use discernment that it’s not the best time to talk for you or the other person. Whatever the case may be, taking some space allows you both to cool down, reflect, take care of yourselves, and reconvene in a better headspace. Not only is it okay, but it’s actually healthy to do so.
Tip #4 - Let Go of Being "Right"
Before getting into a relationship, you might've thought there was a “right” way to do it based on expectations from movies or tv shows, things people told you, how other couples act, etc. But, oftentimes, having expectations, especially unhealthy ones regarding problems, can create even more conflict in a relationship.
When an issue does arise, try not to think about it in terms of right or wrong. Instead, remember that you and this other person are a team—the goal is a solution to the problem, not being ‘right’. White-knuckling the need or desire to be right could harm your communication, relationship, and hope for solving the problem.
The truth is, there is no “right way” to have a relationship. There’s only what works best for you and whoever you’re in a relationship with, which can look different for everyone! So do your best to remove expectations, let go of the desire to be right, and be open to healthy compromise.
Tip #5 - Get to the Root of the Problem
Sometimes conflict can be the result of deeper or underlying issues that have yet to be resolved, not just what you seem to be arguing about. This can especially be true if it seems you or someone else blows up over small things. For example, an argument about loading the dishwasher correctly could really be about one person not feeling supported in doing household chores. Or, conflict around going out with friends for the 5th time that week may be someone thinking you don’t make enough time for the relationship.
The point is, many problems arise because of a deeper-rooted issue that’s important to address rather than trying to “fix” the surface level topic. Think about it like a tree. If a tree is dying, it’s most likely because its roots lack nutrients or have been damaged. Pruning the branches won’t magically bring the tree back to life because the roots weren’t helped. The same can be true for your relationship. If your relationship is having problems, take some time to reflect on or ask what might really be going on beneath the surface. Addressing the deeper problems may be the key to a solution.
To Wrap Up
To wrap up, while relationship problems are not uncommon, they don’t have to be detrimental to you, the other person, or your relationship. And, you certainly don’t have to go through them alone.
At Churches Care, we can connect you with someone who cares about you and your relationship. Someone you can talk to and have in your corner as you work through these problems.
If you’re struggling with a relationship, click below to get connected with someone to talk to!
